only true 90s kids remember what it was like when stiles and derek had canon scenes together
This is for Amber, who won a fic from me in a giveaway like a year ago (I’m so sorry it’s taken so long ;___;). She asked for a Sterek jock/nerd auction.
"I said no, Cora," Derek replies waspishly, rolling onto his back. He drags a hand over his face. "I have plans."
"Oh please," Cora scoffs. "Studying doesn’t count."
"Finals are - "
"Two weeks away," Cora cuts in scornfully. "It’s only a couple hours, Derek, not a full day. You’re not going to be missing out on anything."
Derek scowls up at the ceiling, trying another direction. “You can’t just pimp me out like this. I - “
"Oh my god,” Cora sighs. “Look, I didn’t do this to ruin your life, okay? I was legitimately going to go, but I can’t swap shifts again or Mel says she’ll fire me - I wasn’t going to pull you into this. I don’t see why you’re complaining; it’s all paid for, and it’s all for charity. A good cause, Derek!”
"If it’s all paid for, then why do I have to go?" Derek argues.
Cora sounds like she’s about to pull her hair out. “Because I thought it might be nice for you to get out of your apartment? Just ignore the fact that it’s a date and think about it as a chance to get a nice meal on someone else’s dime, okay?”
Derek hesitates. He has been eating a lot of microwave meals lately. “Isn’t your date going to be pissed when a guy shows up? Won’t he be expecting you?”
He can almost hear Cora shrug. “He’ll probably just be happy someone shows up, to be honest. I only bid on him because no one else did and I felt bad. And anyway, his little stat sheet thing said he was bisexual, so I think it’ll be fine.”
Derek sighs. “What’s his name?”
"I don’t know."
"Cora - "
"I don’t know,” Cora repeats, aggrieved. “They were playing up the whole mystery date thing. You just go to the restaurant and tell them you’re there for Bachelor #6, and they do the rest.”
"This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of, and I’m including that time Laura thought it would be a good idea to jump off the roof into the shallow end of the pool," Derek says, and Cora giggles at the memory. He sighs again. "I’ll do it, but only because I want steak."
There are so many fics where feelings have smells I just want one where Derek bounces every time he catches a whiff of emotion
Like he walks into a room to say something to Scott and breathes in as he’s opening his mouth to talk and then he’s like ‘Nope smells like feelings in here nope nope nope’ and spins on his heel and walks out
#Stiles goes to his house to try and talk to him about something and he’s like ‘no you smell like anxiety and hormones’ #and he closes the door in Stiles’ face #and Stiles is like ‘WHAT IS IT GONNA FUCK UP YOUR EAU DE REGRET THAT YOU’VE GOT GOING ON IN THERE?’ #and Derek’s like ‘YES’
Eau de Regret. I can see the commercial now. Black and white. Slow motion. Pretentious voice-over. Softcore porn shots of Derek Hale’s body. The bottle is shaped like a flame.
THE STOPPER IS SHAPED LIKE A SINGLE PERFECT TEAR
I had to share it with you because I can’t stop laughing, and every time I reread it it just gets funnier and fUNNIER
This fan fiction is older than the push-through tabs on soda cans.
IT’S PORN. VINTAGE PORN, LOVE IT.
omg, this is the BEST!
I love it!
the fact that there have been no leaked nudes in my dashboard proves that i’m following the right people
i’m waiting for someone to write epic meta on why the reason bucky is so popular with female fans is bc his storyline being about being stripped of agency and personal autonomy resonates particularly with female experiences